Good for a Laugh

[sodascouts]

The "GUM" one was what really made me crack up!

[Koala]

Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."

"Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"

"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.

"I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.

"Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.

After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"

---------------------------------

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

[MikeA]

A "win-win" P47!

[Annabel]

Love it.

[tequila girl]

What are you like??

[WalshFan88]

A woman and a baby came into the doctor's office. She was told to go into the room and wait for the doctor.

After arriving there, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"

"Breast fed" she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did.

He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk."

"Naturally," she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came."

[MikeA]

This one is not funny, but may seem so to some of the younger members here. To me, it was very nostalgic.

How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes. (we never had one of these but I knew of them)
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the
last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.
(there were only 3 channels... [if you were fortunate])
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H greenstamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!

The only one in the quiz that I question is the "Blackjack Gum". I knew it existed and had tried it, but didn't like it! And the "peashooter"....we called the bean shooters.

One they didn't include was clothespin match guns. By cutting a notch in the back side of the clothspins (the kind that have that spring like thing holding them together) you could invert the spring, cock it using the coil as a trigger, insert a wooden match with the head of the match toward the trigger, and then shoot the thing. When the spring hit the match it would ignite it and you had a flaming stick blazing through the air ready to catch anything it landed on on fire! We usually shot it at puddles of gasoline.

[Prettymaid]

A guy and his dog walk into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Sir, I have no money for a drink, but I have a talking dog."

The bartender says, "Buddy, if you can get that dog to talk I'll give you a free beer."

The man looks at his dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?"

"Roof! Roof!", says the dog.

The man asks, "How does sandpaper feel?"

"Rough! Rough!", says the dog.

"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?", the man asks the dog.

"Ruth! Ruth!", the dog answers.

The bartender says, "Get out and take your dog with you!"

As the man and his dog walk down the street, the dog looks up at the guy and says, "I knew I should have said 'DiMaggio'."

[Koala]

lol


A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.

"Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes, yes," the man replied.

"Oh! I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She doesn't know a thing about cars."

[Annabel]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet & have dinner with her parents.Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out & make love for the first time.


The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time & the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms & sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time & all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house & meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'

The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace & bows his head. A minute passes & the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass & still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over & whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'

The boy turns & whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'